Parenting a child with special needs presents unique challenges that can put extensive strain on marriages. The constant caregiving demands and emotional toll can leave couples feeling disconnected. Maintaining intimacy and prioritizing your marriage requires active effort and intention. With understanding, creativity, and commitment, you can keep your relationship close despite the challenges.
Acknowledging the Stressors That Can Hurt Marriages
Caring for a special needs child involves stressors like:
- Exhaustion from meeting high caregiving needs
- Increased financial pressures from therapies and medical costs
- Difficulty finding respite to help you fully trust
- Navigating complex medical and education systems
- Emotional weight of worrying about your child’s future
- Grieving the loss of hopes and expectations
- Disagreements on parenting approaches and discipline
These pressures can spark frustration, isolation, resentment, and hopelessness between partners. Acknowledging the strains you face is an important first step.
Making Time for Your Relationship
Life with a special needs child makes free time scarce, so prioritizing couple time requires planning.
- Schedule regular date nights, even if just at home after the children are asleep
- Trade-off child care with a trusted helper so you get 1-on-1 time
- Take advantage of therapies or programs your child attends for a couple of hours.
- Sync schedules to have brief check-ins and give hugs, kisses, and appreciation
- Set alarms reminding you to connect amidst caregiving chaos
Protecting couple time preserves intimacy now and forges fond memories during exhausting times.
Reigniting Intimacy and Affection
Physical and emotional intimacy may require more creativity and initiative when you’re away from caregiving.
- Exchange massages to promote relaxation and touch
- Share words of affirmation, praise, and gratitude
- Prioritize small moments of affection, like cuddling in bed or kissing hello and goodbye
- Replace sex with affection when needed for lower-pressure intimacy
- Take advantage of times when grandparents or sitters watch your child
- Be flexible about intimacy, looking different based on energy levels
Most importantly, release any guilt or pressure. Intimacy stems from warmth and connection, not specific acts.
Communicating Through Challenges
When parenting stresses strain your marriage, productive communication is essential.
- Set weekly check-ins to talk through struggles and get on the same page
- Attend counselling to gain tools for communicating challenges
- Listen without judgment and validate each other’s experiences
- Compromise on disagreements vs. competing to “win” arguments
- Express your needs clearly using “I statements”
- Schedule regular child-free dates to focus just on you
Keeping communication open and honest helps prevent simmering resentment.
Bonding as a Family
Don’t lose sight of enjoying time together as a family. Simple shared activities build connections.
- Play favourite games or watch movies your child enjoys
- Cook meals together then sit and enjoy as a family
- Read bedtime stories, taking turns so you alternate nights
- Go for walks, bike rides, or other outdoor activities you can share
- Sing favourite songs or dance to fun music together
- Celebrate milestones and achievements with family outings
Strengthening your family unit bolsters your marriage as well.
Supporting Each Other’s Needs
Ensure you both get breaks, social time, and room for personal needs.
- Give each other a regular evening off while the other handles caregiving
- Watch your child so your partner can meet with friends
- Encourage each other’s hobbies and personal growth
- Celebrate individual achievements in your personal or career goals
Protecting your individuality reduces burnout and resentment.
Lean on Community Resources
Don’t hesitate to utilize available help, like:
- Respite care through local programs or volunteers
- Online support groups connecting to parents facing similar challenges
- Counselling to process grief, anxiety, and depression
- Educational advocates to help navigate your child’s needs at school
- Family and friends — be specific in asking for help you need
You don’t have to navigate special-needs parenting alone. Support preserves your relationship. With concerted effort and creativity, you can keep your marriage thriving. Don’t become hostage to your challenges. Prioritize intimacy through whatever means works for you, savour time as a family, nurture your partnership daily, and know your relationship can grow even stronger.
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